I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
why does every cop we meet know your name?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
