He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
