i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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