He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
