What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
