can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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