i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
