Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
