So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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