I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
