then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
