i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
