Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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