I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
