The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
