He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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