Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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