This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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