my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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