Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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