When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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