I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
