Those balls look pretty dangerous.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
