So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
