You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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