What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
