No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
