I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
