My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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