I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
