I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
