even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
