I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
