I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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