nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I AM VODKA MAN
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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