I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
