Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
