i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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