Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
