The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
