mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize