Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
