it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
