i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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