You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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