please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
