I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
