I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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