About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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