You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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