i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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