Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
