Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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