Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
