Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
