Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
