He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
