haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
